Words from Deep Down-IDFWU

ALONE

Bullying is a choice. It is a choice made to feel better than someone else. A choice of empowerment the wrong way, for the wrong reason. I have faced discrimination and bullying in school. What do you think the reason is?

  1. I am an Indian
  2. I am brown
  3. I was never with the crowd or a group
  4. I spoke up at times not considering the other person is known to be “cooler”

These reasons are so absurd when I look back. I don’t know how I survived through school. Although I think I know, I use to write poems/songs/anything to vent this nuisance. I never told my parents, only some of my friends knew about it. Such a thing is not easily discussed because the place and the people you feel secure and happy with, might also start judging you. The fear of them to flip on you too, made me pack it all up and hide it away somewhere deep, down.

Life was almost miserable at times in school, specially when I was not in class. I wasn’t a great student nor did I like studying, but classes were my refuge. Everyone’s attention was on their friends or the teacher, not another person. I am not saying that I did not have good days in school. I did, at least 70% of my school days were manageable and fine. But you know when you go through shit days with people staring at you top-down, passing comments, throwing a textbook on your feet…you don’t think the good days are that good. Because all you end up doing is saving yourself from those the other days.

I still remember my teacher called me in and told me…

“Don’t do anything about it. Don’t hit her back, don’t say anything bad to her. Let her do what she wants, she will realize how dumb she is looking. Everyone will see it.”

I did just that. In fact, one day I smiled at her when she threw a book on my feet and said “okay”. Her friends thought she had lost it. No shit, all I did was exist and she flipped. It is because that teacher I survived that year. Nothing bothered me as much after that.

In high school, it was easier to ignore to an extent. Classes were hectic and we all were mostly busy. Just some times, on rare occasions, some people would come up and say something because they think they can. I know. I laughed it off many times because I didn’t think they were cool by doing that, but I know they did. So okay, applause. Also the fact I noticed 2 from the group didn’t like the “confrontational” talks. They were also human. Nice and normal to me. I think it allowed me to not hold so much inside because it was easier to ignore 1 hater knowing others were just there.

There are all sorts of people around. Some care enough to be nice to you and some don’t. Some will always judge you because you aren’t the same as them. It’s not okay, but sometimes just let it go. Life already gives you so much to think and worry about, why add-on 1 more. The best is to give in to those who care. I’ve chosen my many people and love it that way.

I got a million trillion things I’d rather f**kin’ do…

I had to put this out there after hearing about Ahmed Mohamed, I couldn’t stop.

#IStandWithAhmed

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